Get a better mirror

Get a better mirror

“If you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself: get a better mirror, look a little closer, stare a little longer”

I posted this video a while ago and I still love it. But there is something about this line that stands out to me.

I feel like this is one of those topics that get talked to death so of course I am going to talk about it more (deal with it)
I’ll do my best to not ramble on (if I do, deal with it)

I pick the wrong mirrors all the time. I am a bad judge of what mirrors are accurate reflections of my life…

I chose the person that hmmmm’s in that judgmental way and looks at my stomach when I tell her I bought a bikini for the first time ever.

I chose the guy that dropped me when he stopped getting what he wanted.

I chose the friends that stopped returning text messages and decided they didn’t want me in their lives anymore.

I chose the voices that tell me that people shouldn’t take anxiety medication and “why don’t you just go on a run” (I hate hate hate running and it makes every part of me feel like crap, that’s why)

I chose the memories of weekends alone and the times of being the third, fifth, or seventh wheel.

I don’t know why I pick those mirrors, I have better ones. I have the friends that make sure to see me every time they are in town. I have the friends that loved me enough to want me in their wedding. I have the friend that would tell me if I looked bad in a bikini and would let me down gently. I have the voices telling me it is okay to quit sometimes and to not be so hard on myself. I have the person who compares me to real writers. I have my family, my wonderful family. I have those people. I know I do. But for some reason those are the mirrors that seem warped to me so I ignore them

I have these two mirrors that hang over my bed, perfectly leveled and hung with the promise they won’t fall on my in the night. I got them for a dollar apiece at an estate sale last year. I spray painted the frames purple and polished the mirrors. And after about a month I realized that one is warped. Every time I walk by it I notice how things look nice in one and in the other everything just looks slightly off, just enough to throw things off.

Sometimes when I look in them I forget that one is off and I stare at myself wondering what it wrong. Why does my forehead look so weird. Does my face really look like that? Then I’ll look in the other one really quick, but because I spent so long looking at the wrong mirror wonder what is wrong with me. It takes more than a glance into the good mirror for me to tell which one is which
(and that’s when I go look in the bathroom mirror because I really don’t have ten minutes to stare at myself when I am running late in the morning, seriously. No time.)

And that’s what I do with the people in my life. I spend so long focusing on the wrong mirrors what when I try to look at myself through the right one, everything still seems off. They can’t be right, I’ve spent too long looking at my warped self to tell which is right and which is wrong.

So I look at little closer. I stare a little longer. And I decide which mirror is true and which one I am going to believe. And I hope I pick the right one.

“I don’t know what I’m like. I get glimpses of myself in other people’s eyes. I try to be careful whom I use as a mirror. But we aren’t always careful of our mirrors. I’m not.”
–Madeleine L’Engle
Thankful Thursday (fifteen)

Thankful Thursday (fifteen)

I moved into my own apartment a little over a year ago (a tiny tour may be coming in the next week…)

My balcony happens to overlook my neighbors’ backyard. One day last summer it was hot and the AC in my apartment doesn’t do much so I was reading on the balcony. My neighbors happened to be out brewing beer. It was awkward.

Then they invited me over and it was super awkward.

And over the past year I became kind of friends with two of my neighbors. And then actual friends… I think (making friends is hard)

And I learned something. Neighbor-friends are awesome and I am thankful for mine.

Need a cheese grater? Call me, I got your back.

I need a food processor. Luckily you are generous and have one.

I’m supposed to make an apple cake for boss’s day tomorrow (not like actually tomorrow, but at the time it was tomorrow) but am missing an egg and it’s ten at night and in my pj’s, I don’t even need to put shoes on to get one.

My car broke down and I don’t have a way to get to work or I need a ride to church to take kids to camp; you’ll give me a ride, even though you literally can walk to work in like 30 seconds

I made two loaves of breads, a batch of cookies or some cake. I know you’ll enjoy it.

I grew up out in the country, I didn’t really have neighbors and I defiantly didn’t have neighbor-friends. But they are awesome, I am thankful for them and I hope I can be an equally good neighbor-friend.

Christmastime in the City

Christmastime in the City

I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas!

If you weren’t aware, I love Christmas! So here is my Christmas in a nutshell…

 

*I am not a hipster** (unless you ask one of my youth kids.)

 

 

**Confession I don’t even know what make a person a hipster.

Thankful Thursday (one)

Thankful Thursday (one)

There are so many things to be thankful for. But too often I get caught up in the things that make me sad, things I don’t like or the generally unhappy things

I’m going to try to start focusing on more of the good things in life.

Sooooooo, today I am thankful for roadtrips.

My favorite form of traveling is driving. I’ll fly if I have to, but I really prefer to drive.

Some of my favorite memories with the family are the roadtrips we took together (they were also some of the only times the brother and I got along for extended periods of time). We live in Washington State and we have roadtripped to Washington DC, Colorado, Alaska, Minnesota, and Montana.

I’ve also gone to Mexico with my youth group.
And have gone to Montana a couple times with friends.
And there have been countless mini-roadtrips to Seattle, Spokane and Oregon. Some alone but most with the family or friends.

Right now I am planning a road trip from California to Washington. I am going to fly down to California for one of my best friend’s college graduation and am driving home with one of my really good friends.

I like virtually everything about roadtrips, even the things that most people dislike about them…

  • 18 hour driving days (mom and I swore we would never do that again.)
  • sleeping at rest stops
  • occasionally waking up and not knowing what state I’m in (I’m surprised that in my younger years some convenience store cashier didn’t think I was kidnapped)
  • soaking in a hot tub after spending all day in a car
  • driving into a new city for the first time (especially at night, with all the lights

I am looking forward to the roadtrips to come. As my friends move away I will have more places to visit. Or maybe I’ll move and be able to roadtrip home.