Get a better mirror

Get a better mirror

“If you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself: get a better mirror, look a little closer, stare a little longer”

I posted this video a while ago and I still love it. But there is something about this line that stands out to me.

I feel like this is one of those topics that get talked to death so of course I am going to talk about it more (deal with it)
I’ll do my best to not ramble on (if I do, deal with it)

I pick the wrong mirrors all the time. I am a bad judge of what mirrors are accurate reflections of my life…

I chose the person that hmmmm’s in that judgmental way and looks at my stomach when I tell her I bought a bikini for the first time ever.

I chose the guy that dropped me when he stopped getting what he wanted.

I chose the friends that stopped returning text messages and decided they didn’t want me in their lives anymore.

I chose the voices that tell me that people shouldn’t take anxiety medication and “why don’t you just go on a run” (I hate hate hate running and it makes every part of me feel like crap, that’s why)

I chose the memories of weekends alone and the times of being the third, fifth, or seventh wheel.

I don’t know why I pick those mirrors, I have better ones. I have the friends that make sure to see me every time they are in town. I have the friends that loved me enough to want me in their wedding. I have the friend that would tell me if I looked bad in a bikini and would let me down gently. I have the voices telling me it is okay to quit sometimes and to not be so hard on myself. I have the person who compares me to real writers. I have my family, my wonderful family. I have those people. I know I do. But for some reason those are the mirrors that seem warped to me so I ignore them

I have these two mirrors that hang over my bed, perfectly leveled and hung with the promise they won’t fall on my in the night. I got them for a dollar apiece at an estate sale last year. I spray painted the frames purple and polished the mirrors. And after about a month I realized that one is warped. Every time I walk by it I notice how things look nice in one and in the other everything just looks slightly off, just enough to throw things off.

Sometimes when I look in them I forget that one is off and I stare at myself wondering what it wrong. Why does my forehead look so weird. Does my face really look like that? Then I’ll look in the other one really quick, but because I spent so long looking at the wrong mirror wonder what is wrong with me. It takes more than a glance into the good mirror for me to tell which one is which
(and that’s when I go look in the bathroom mirror because I really don’t have ten minutes to stare at myself when I am running late in the morning, seriously. No time.)

And that’s what I do with the people in my life. I spend so long focusing on the wrong mirrors what when I try to look at myself through the right one, everything still seems off. They can’t be right, I’ve spent too long looking at my warped self to tell which is right and which is wrong.

So I look at little closer. I stare a little longer. And I decide which mirror is true and which one I am going to believe. And I hope I pick the right one.

“I don’t know what I’m like. I get glimpses of myself in other people’s eyes. I try to be careful whom I use as a mirror. But we aren’t always careful of our mirrors. I’m not.”
–Madeleine L’Engle

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