Often I find myself asking myself is this faith right? Do I still want to make the choice to follow Jesus? Why am I even a theist?
And always the answer is yes. because I have to. I have no deeply spiritual reasons and definitely no intellectual reasons. Simply, I need something to believe in
I cannot deal with the world as it is.
I read about the hate crimes, the gang crimes, the domestic violence. I see the horrible things done in the name of religion. I hear about the rape, the murder, the verbal, physical and sexual abuse, the human trafficking. I read about the violence that seems to fill every corner of the world. I read about the terrorism, the dead soldiers, the brokenness and hopelessness that war brings. I know of the divorce, the death, the lost children, the hunger, the self harm. And I cannot deal with it.
I cannot deal with it.
My heart is heavy.
I cannot believe that this world is all we have. There has to be something more.
My faith depends on the ideas of love, hope and redemption. And Jesus gives me these.
I have to believe that Jesus calls us to love because there is so much hate.
I so desperately cling to the promise of redemption because no matter where I volunteer or how much money I give there will always been a horrible brokenness finding its way into our lives. And our lives need to be redeemed.
As a fiercely independent single lady and a person who values having solid, intellectual reasoning, these are hard confessions for me.
I can’t save myself and because of this my reasons for Jesus are simple. I need to be saved. I need to be redeemed.I need to believe that this God that I follow is great.
I make the choice to believe this. Because that’s what faith is. A choice.