I don’t have the words

I don’t have the words

Lately I have had so many thoughts and ideas running through my mind. Sometimes I feel like they might just take over my brain and I’ll go crazy. Usually when it gets to this point I try to put them down on paper.
Thoughts on joy, contentment, pain, forgiveness, change, Jesus, malcontent, church, hope, relationships, growing up. Thoughts on life.

I’ll start writing or talking about these thoughts and then I realize that I don’t have the words.

I am then reminded of what Madeleine L’Engle says in Walking on Water,

We think because we have words, not the other way around.

I have these ideas stirring up in me. These concept I do not fully understand and am trying to work through. But somehow, I do not have the words to explain them.

Then I stop trying. I am so afraid that if I am not able to fully explain what it is I am thinking or feeling that another person will think I am stupid or misunderstand and become offended.

This is the fear that fills every half-written journal entry and is hiding in every blog that is waiting in my drafts folder.
This fear is what keeps my thoughts in my mind unexplored and unexplained.

I am going to attempt to not do this. I will muddle through these ideas and use what words I do have to talk about them. I am going to stop letting my fear of being perceived as stupid get in the way of my growing.

Not having the words to explain my thoughts is not a bad thing. Not even trying to explain them is.


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